Knowing You All Over Again
by Jasmine4
Summary: When Remus takes ill Sirius reflects on their relationship
1. Default Chapter

Title:Knowing You all Over again  
  
Author: Jasmine  
  
Rating: R  
  
Summary: When Remus takes ill Sirius reflects on their relationship  
  
Warnings: Slash, illness, swearing and talk of sex  
  
Feedback: Is very much appreciated (  
  
Sirius groaned as James hammered on the door for the third time. "Yes, yes!" He moaned glancing at the clock which read 7:04am. "This is cruelty!" He muttered as he gently shook the body lying next to him. "Wakey, wakey rise and shine." He laughed slightly, starting to feel more awake. It wasn't that early a start compared to usual, it had just been rather a late night and then when they had got to bed they hadn't slept for a good while longer, Remus was feeling rather playful. A smile curled at the corners of Sirius' lips at the memory of just lying, well no that was a lie, thrashing was probably a more accurate description, on the bed while Remus touched and teased him before mind blowing sex for dessert.  
  
But Remus was looking far from lively now; he hadn't even opened his eyes! "Moony, love, c'mon. James's already going to castrate us if we don't hurry up!"  
  
"Don't feel very good." Remus muttered in response huddling up further in the bed not wanting to have to move.  
  
Sirius sighed. "You'll be fine once you've got up, you'll soon not be as tired. Look I'll make you a cup of tea but you're going to have to get this lovely arse into gear!" He slapped Remus' bare backside lightly then gave it a loving squeeze before starting to get dressed, glad of the post sex shower, which was saving him the job now!  
  
"Ah! Remus's hungover!" James cackled like a crazed lunatic loudly in his ear.  
  
"No I'm not!" Remus snapped crossly. "I'm just tired alright!"  
  
"Ooh! Touchy, touchy!" James squealed much to Remus' annoyance. James wasn't exactly what you needed when you had a headache!  
  
"You're tired?!" Peter exclaimed. "I actually thought you two would have been able to wake the dead in Australia and as for the bed, Merlin knows what you were doing but I thought it was coming through the wall and I'd be having a threesome with you!"  
  
Sirius blushed slightly but Remus just scowled, not impressed that his and Sirius' sex life seemed to be the favourite topic of conversation in such a public place, in the middle of a hotel up in Scotland.  
  
"Ah Peter, no more of your fantasies now!" James giggled, in a stupid mood. "You know you wanted them to come through the wall, but it would cause more damage, next time just go and knock on the door, we know Sirius likes the fair haired ones and as for Remus, well I'm sure he'd have you, even if you aren't the black beauty he's accustomed to banging!" Peter blushed this time and playfully slapped James.  
  
"If you've quite finished, that's enough alright?!" Remus remarked coldly.  
  
"Bet you he doesn't say that to Padfoot!" James couldn't resist saying in an overly loud whisper so that Remus couldn't fail to hear.  
  
"If you two hadn't kept me awake half the night making a racket bonking each other's brains out I would say you two had been arguing! What the hell's the matter with Moony, it's not like him to behave like someone's twisting his bollocks round! But he's hardly a ray of sunshine this morning is he?"  
  
Sirius shrugged "Just me, I've worn him out I think!" He winked at Peter.  
  
He sped up to catch up with Remus who was walking towards the cars Dumbledore had organised to take them to a secret building in the Scottish wilds for that morning's meeting regarding Voldemort's activities. He slipped his hand around the slender blonde's waist but was surprised when Remus pushed him off.  
  
"Oh c'mon you! What's the matter?"  
  
Remus sighed. "Look it's nothing, I'm just feeling a bit hungover I suppose and you know how it is when you can't bear anything to touch you because you feel so rough?" He realised he'd been harsh and reached for Sirius' hand and lovingly squeezed it to make up for his stroppy behaviour. "Love you." He whispered.  
  
Remus closed his eyes for the duration of the half hour car journey to the location where the meeting was being held. He couldn't understand what was wrong with him, he felt like he had the mother of all hangovers but although he could understand being tired he hadn't drank enough to class himself as any worse than tipsy the night before. And why was it that when people spoke to him he felt like he didn't have the time of day to speak to them or interact in any way whatsoever when usually he was the first one to laugh and banter with James and the others. It was Sirius' job to play the petulant grump in the morning not his!  
  
"Has anyone got any pepper up?" Remus asked as they sat having a cup of tea as they waited for Dumbledore to get organised. He looked to Lily as he spoke, knowing there was no chance anybody else would be carrying such things!  
  
"You look like shit, let's hope these make your appearance a bit better or you're going to look fabulous talking to a room full of people!" Remus nodded and gladly swallowed the pills praying they would stop the pounding between his temples. Just as he closed his eyes again a young house elf he didn't recognise from Hogwarts popped her head around the door to let them know Dumbledore was ready for them.  
  
"You'll look gorgeous with a bit of glamour on don't worry babe. I'll sort it if you want."  
  
Sirius went to kiss Remus' cheek but Remus pulled away. "What's that supposed to mean?! That I'm ugly naturally? Cheers!"  
  
Sirius exhaled loudly and frowned. "No! Moony for goodness sake! You're in a horrible mood and you're chewing everyone's head off! Will you just stop it yeah? Just because you feel shit doesn't give you the right to treat the rest of us as if we are shit!"  
  
Remus looked him straight in the eye and stalked off. Sirius grimaced, Remus was huffy if they'd argued but they had been getting on fine and he didn't think he had said anything to upset his boyfriend and even when they did fight he just went quiet after one explosion usually, he didn't behave like an obnoxious tosser so this behaviour was new and certainly not appreciated.  
  
"Wanker." Sirius couldn't help but mutter.  
  
***  
  
The meeting was going better than Remus had first imagined it would do. With the pepper up seeming to have finally done its job his head was paining him much less. Dumbledore had just finished speaking and everyone was chatting amongst themselves as he shuffled papers along with Alastor Moody.  
  
"Can I have a hug?" Sirius pulled Remus into a loving embrace.  
  
"You look peaky babe, you can't be hungover surely? What's up?"  
  
"I'm sorry Siri. I've been a right ratbag." Sirius nodded while rubbing Remus' neck between his finger and thumb.  
  
"Yeah you have." He agreed. "You're all tense baby, are you not well?" Remus buried his face in Sirius' neck and gently kissed him.  
  
"Dunno, my head's better than before but I ache all over and I feel far from great. Probably just getting flu or summit. It's nowhere near the full moon so it's not that." He shrugged and kissed Sirius' lips softly. "I didn't mean to snap at you before, but you know how it is when you're not well and your moods go all over."  
  
"Mm hmm" Sirius nodded and kissed Remus' forehead. "Not too much work today though love, finish this meeting and get involved in the clear up and then just a few individual discussions with old Albus then home. Well the hotel. And when we get there I'm going to send out for a takeaway and put some music on and I'll cuddle you in. Sound OK?"  
  
Sirius felt Remus' smile against his neck. "Sounds lovely, particularly the cuddle bit."  
  
"You great soft lump!" Sirius laughed.  
  
"But you love me for it!"  
  
"Right break for lunch. The Hogwarts Elves have put on a good spread for us all." Dumbledore announced.  
  
"Thank God, I'm starving!" Peter said marching in the direction of the canteen with James in hot pursuit.  
  
"C'mon you." Sirius pulled Remus after him.  
  
"Will you either eat it or leave it instead of playing with it!" Lily eventually growled, annoyed by the irritating squeak of cutlery off china. Pregnancy making her nerves more on edge.  
  
"Sorry, just not hungry." James couldn't resist smirking; Remus always relished other people's hangovers, being the most sensible of the lot, now was payback time!  
  
"Can I have some more pepper up Lily?" He gulped down a large glass of water with the pills and sat back and closed his eyes while everyone finished their meal. "Just going to the toilet."  
  
Remus disappeared and James burst out laughing. "Look at the state of him! He can't even walk in a bloody straight line!"  
  
Sirius gave him a withering look. "Look James he's got flu or something...give him a break yeah?"  
  
"Remus?" Peter asked after going into the toilets and hearing someone sniffing.  
  
"Will you get Sirius?"  
  
Peter's brow furrowed. "Are you crying?"  
  
"Just get Siri ...please?" Remus sniffed.  
  
"Alright mate, just let me finish having a piss!"  
  
He went back out. "Is Moony in there?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Yeah he's asking for you...I might be wrong...but he sounded really upset." Sirius nodded.  
  
"Babes? Pete says you're upset...open the door."  
  
The bolt clicked back and Sirius pushed it open. "Oh you poor love." He stretched out his hand and stroked Remus' hair, his tawny head lain on his arm which lay on the toilet seat. "C'mon up you get. Have you been sick?"  
  
"Mm hmm. I've cleaned myself up but I feel like utter shit and I feel too weak to get up. I need to go to bed." Remus sobbed.  
  
Sirius helped his weeping partner to his feet. "I'll get you home, don't cry." He wiped Remus' eyes.  
  
"I don't know what's wrong with me." Remus said rubbing his own face and pulling himself together. "Why the hell am I crying?! I never cry when I throw up. I feel a bit pathetic but I just ache so much all over! My head's killing me Sirius! And my legs are like jelly. I feel worse than after the time of the month!" He admitted feeling like a bit of a wet nuisance.  
  
"I know babe, you don't look well at all. You're going to bed though, it's just a virus you'll be ok and I'll be home to look after you in a few hours."  
  
***  
  
"Stop worrying Sirius, he's in bed and he'll be fine, it's not like it's serious, he's just got a bug." Lily patted Sirius' shoulder. "I dunno Lils, it's not like him to make a fuss, he's not a wimp, but he was crying his eyes out!"  
  
"Sirius we all get like that from time to time, remember when we were at Hogwarts and James got sick and he cried loads and we just couldn't stop him? Sometimes people just feel rubbish and it gets them down, he's alright though, stop stressing!" Lily smiled kindly.  
  
"Maybe I should just call him, shame we didn't have floo at the hotel and I'd have to use that weird telephone thingummy Dumbledore's got to see how he's doing before we start this clear up ?"  
  
Peter interrupted. "He won't appreciate it! He'll be fast asleep and you'll wake him up and he'll only feel worse for it."  
  
Sirius nodded. "Yeah, I know you're right, it's just when you love someone as much as I do him." Sirius began in a rare moment of voicing his feelings to the others. "Well, you know, you're concerned and when they're not 100% you want to be with them." James nodded, he knew exactly what Sirius meant and how he felt. "One day you will understand." Sirius smiled at Peter, he hoped one day he'd find what he had found in Moony.  
  
Just then Dumbledore's phone rang. He smiled as Dumbledore beckoned him over saying it was Remus.  
  
After figuring out how to hold the strange thing he spoke. "Hi baby how you feeling now, any better?"  
  
"Awful! Sirius, I'm scared." Sirius' face fell into one of concern, Remus sounded absolutely dreadful. He felt a pang of guilt, he should be with Remus when he wasn't well; sometimes he despised this job!  
  
"Why are you scared? You're ok really aren't you?"  
  
Remus weakly replied "I just feel all spaced out and I keep throwing up and I just hurt everywhere!"  
  
Sirius looked at his former Headmaster and mouthed at him 'Can I go....please?' He knew before he'd asked that the answer would be no but he still felt angry when Albus shook his head.  
  
"Well sweetheart, I'll be back before too long, try not to worry, get some sleep and you'll probably feel better for it."  
  
Remus groaned in pain and Sirius winced for him, Remus wasn't a hypochondriac and he could tell just by listening to his voice that his werewolf lover felt really poorly. "I'm sorry darling, I'll be....."  
  
He stopped dead in the middle of his sentence as he heard Remus vomit on the other end of the phone. "Hang on babe, I'll be back as soon as possible, you sort yourself out and I'll be with you very soon darling."  
  
"Look Dumbledore I'm sorry but I'm off. Remus needs me and I'm not staying here." Dumbledore looked flustered, something Sirius wasn't accustomed to seeing. They were already one order member down and could do without losing a second. The situation with Voldemort was crucial at this time.  
  
"Sirius, I'm aware that you're worried about him but it's just a stomach bug or something else like that.... You know he's prone to viruses and other ailments, it comes with his condition."  
  
Sirius' chin jutted out in determination. "Dumbledore, I don't actually care what you say because no matter what I'm going. He's really poorly, he's vomiting his guts up and the poor soul is on his own! Don't tell me I'm letting the Order down because at the moment I'm letting Remus down and he's more important!"  
  
Dumbledore sighed, the twinkle no longer evident in his usually sparkling eyes " Sirius you can't just go off, can't you wait just an hour, he'll be alright."  
  
Sirius shook his head, his voice rising in frustration because Albus couldn't understand why he needed to go. "He's not alright and he's upset and if you think I'm leaving him in that condition then you're very much mistaken. I'll see you later!"  
  
Sirius pelted as fast as he could towards the hotel from the nearest apparition site and rushed up the stairs. He let himself into the room he and Remus had been sharing for their weeklong stay in the Scottish capital. Remus hardly even responded, curled in a foetal position with his back to the door. Sirius wrinkled his nose; the room had that smell of illness where you could just taste germs.  
  
"How you feeling Remy? Albus is cross with me but you're more important to me love." Sirius sat behind Remus and gently stroked his hip through the blankets. "Oh Merlin!" Sirius gasped, getting a shock as he noticed that Remus had been ill on himself and the bed and didn't even seem to realise he was in that state.  
  
"What a mess babe." Sirius said sympathetically. He didn't think he'd ever seen Remus look so pale and ill, even after particularly bad transformations. "Roll over to the other side of the bed sweetie and we'll sort you out." Sirius turned Remus over slightly and was horrified when he saw his eyes only a little open but wandering and unfocussed. "Moony...say something ...please!" Sirius was beginning to panic; Remus wasn't speaking at all and seemed barely aware of his presence. "Rem? Remus!" Sirius shook him a little and Remus' head drooped to one side. "Oh shit!"  
  
Sirius could feel his hand shaking as he reached for his wand, muttering a cleansing charm on Remus. What was wrong with Moony?! He'd been poorly yes but he was barely conscious now, looked seriously ill and was burning up like a furnace! Sirius went and got a damp towel placing it on Remus' head to try to cool him. This really couldn't be happening to him, particularly in a muggle hotel. What in Merlin's name was he supposed to do?!  
  
TBC 


	2. chapter2

Come on!" Sirius muttered under his breath as he cradled his boyfriend's head in his lap while stroking his soaked through hair. He could feel his own heart racing, he should never have let Remus go home earlier on his own. If he'd stuck up for himself earlier he could have got to him before he was so bad. "Wake up Moony please!" He could hear the tears in his own voice as he shook Remus a little harder. "You've been so sick.and you're so hot.please!" He pleaded, realising it was to no avail he decided there was nothing for it, he had to get help for Remus, and fast.  
  
Pulling himself out from underneath his unconscious partner, battling with his emotions he managed to pull Remus into his arms. Not caring what wizarding laws he was flouting he gave a quick flick of his wand with some difficulty and disapparated, appearing with a resounding crack, struggling to hold Remus' dead weight in his hands, in St. Mungo's reception area.  
  
"Help me please!" He screeched at anyone who would listen. The next thing he knew there were nurses and healers floating Remus away. He tried to run after them, taking his Remus away when he was so ill but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr.."  
  
"Black..Sirius"  
  
"Black, but your friend needs to go with the healers now. If you could just come with me, my name is Ellen, and I'll get a few details from you which can help the healers with his condition."  
  
The slightly rotund nurse with her lightly wrinkled features ushered Sirius into a little room. He sat wringing his hands as she placed herself opposite him.  
  
"So can you give me a little information about the patient and his symptoms?" She asked gently.  
  
"His name is Remus Lupin. He's a werewolf, I don't know if that makes a difference, but I've never seen him this ill after a transformation even. How can this happen? He was alright last night for crying out loud! It's so unfair!" He wailed, accepting the tissue she offered him and blowing his nose.  
  
"He was really stroppy this morning you know, then he was feeling a bit off colour but nothing would have led me to believe this could happen! He was sick and he went erm home," He didn't want to mention that they had been doing Order business, you couldn't be too careful who you were talking to in these times. "And then I found him like that, unconscious earlier, and I brought him straight here, I just don't know what to do! I love him, he can't die!"  
  
She passed him another tissue to mop up his flooding tears. "You've been very helpful Mr Black." She told him, trying to calm him. "I'll pass on what you've told us to the healers and one of them will come and see you soon."  
  
"Don't leave me!" He cried out as she stood to leave.  
  
"Someone will be back soon sir, just try to stay calm, they can work magic, try not to worry too much." He saw the pity in her eyes, he didn't want her pity, it made him angry almost, her kind words and her soothing manner. All he wanted was his Remus back, and right now he couldn't be sure that was going to happen.  
  
***  
  
"Mr Black? I'm Healer McKenzie." He shook hands with Sirius then sat down facing him.  
  
"Is Remus going to be alright? Please tell me he's ok."  
  
"Remus is seriously ill Mr. Black. We have ran a series of blood charms on him and he has a condition which is poisoning his blood, silver poisoning of some description."  
  
"Oh Merlin! He's been attacked with something silver! Shit!" Sirius shook his head and bit his lip.  
  
"No, not attacked. I believe it is caused by the ingestion of silver, possibly off cutlery or a goblet, but it is actually a form of septicaemia, or blood poisoning, as opposed to a wound inflicted upon your partner."  
  
Sirius nodded slowly, finding this quite hard to take in. How could someone who was as healthy as Remus had been of late suddenly be so ill.  
  
"He's in a room on his own in intensive care as he is very unwell." The healer was speaking steadily and Sirius didn't envy him this job, it must be hard to tell people on a daily basis how poorly their loved ones were. "If I can help you in anyway at all Mr Black all you need do is ask."  
  
"I don't care about me, just about him. What are you doing for him?" The healer smiled, he was quite touched by Sirius' genuine love for the werewolf, he hadn't realised they were much more than sex partners from what he'd seen of them in the paper, but then again Rita Skeeter had written about the Black family heir and his preferences in her usual style, but this was definitely different.  
  
He's on intravenous potions to try to combat the infection and drugs to maintain his blood pressure because blood poisoning can significantly lower blood pressure. He looks very poorly and has lesions on his skin due to clotting caused by infection beneath the skin and the next 24-48 hours are critical."  
  
Sirius didn't know what to say and felt a little like one of those dogs in the back windows of muggle's cars that he had seen where their heads just nodded up and down continuously. "Is he going to die?" He finally managed to ask.  
  
"I hope not. Would you like to see him?"  
  
Sirius nodded. "Yes please, can I just make a floo call first, I have to let someone know where we are, and his parents."  
  
Telling Dumbledore, who was now back at Hogwarts, had been difficult enough. Sirius was between two emotions with Albus, he felt hatred that the headmaster hadn't let him be with Remus, but then again deep down Sirius knew that if Dumbledore had had any idea that Remus' illness was so severe then he'd have gone straight to the hospital with him so he couldn't blame Albus, much as he wanted someone to point the finger at. The other he felt was just pain, how could this happen to them when they were so happy. Sirius could tell Dumbledore felt guilty from the tone of his voice as he agreed to send James straight away with the others for moral support.  
  
Then came the task of flooing Remus' family. Dumbledore had kindly offered to do it, knowing that Sirius was distraught about Remus' condition and would struggle to tell the story over again but Sirius had politely refused saying that it was his place as Remus' partner to do it even though it would be hard.  
  
In fact Sirius found it harder to do than anything in his entire life, even harder than running out of home as a teenager. Telling someone that their child might be dying, someone who they all loved was severely ill and fighting for his life in an intensive care unit. There was more than one time when Sirius had to stop to recover himself from crying. He just couldn't bear this, the distress, the agony, the fear.  
  
He was shown into Remus' room and bit down hard on his lip, so hard in fact that he drew blood. Remus' skin was clammy looking and almost transparent apart from a few deep red blotches underneath the surface of his skin which stood out angrily against the pale flesh. Worse still were the charmed machines attached to him and the drips in both of his arms, from which dripped disgusting coloured potions. There were tubes to his mouth to help him breathe and he just looked so terrible that Sirius wanted to just gather him in his arms and take him away from all this.  
  
Sirius couldn't decide what was worse, being in Remus' position unaware of the desperation or in his own position fully conscious of how serious this was and how what they had could be snatched from them. How could life be so cruel? Had Remus not suffered enough from that bite, the initial agony, then the transformations every month for the rest of his life, the bitterness those who knew of him felt because of the creature that resided in him, why did he have to get poisoned because he was a werewolf, how could Merlin be so cruel?  
  
Shaking he pulled a chair up beside Remus' bed and carefully lowered himself into it, so wobbly that even the simple task of sitting down seemed quite difficult. "Oh sweetheart." Sirius shook his head disbelievingly as he reached out to take Remus' limp hand in his own. It hung lifelessly there, the palm damp with a cold sweat, the back of it penetrated by a catheter leading to a drip giving him the drugs that would help him survive.  
  
"Everything was going so well! How could this happen to you? Why not to someone else? I know that's cruel to wish it upon other people but anyone other than you love!" Sirius looked at Remus' expressionless face, blond eyelashes down over his slightly flushed cheeks. "I wish I could tell if you are still hurting Moony, I hope not, that would make this even worse...and it really can't get much worse I don't think Rem. When you said earlier that you were scared, well that's how I feel now. I've never been so scared in my whole life!"  
  
Sirius began tracing the wrinkles in the palm of Remus' hand gently with his thumb. "My cousin Andromeda always said I had nice hands, I think yours are pretty perfect myself, particularly when they're doing naughty but nice things to me!"  
  
Sirius attempted to laugh but it came out all wrong just like a choked breath. "I don't know why I'm trying to make myself laugh, I'm not funny at the best of times, although I like to think so, and I don't know if even James could make me giggle right now I'm just so worried!" He exhaled loudly.  
  
"I remember when I was younger when I'd stolen something from my Dad's study and broken it and I knew he'd find out and I remember being so afraid because he was so much bigger than little me. Although that kind of thing was the least of my worries as I grew older; but we'll not go there again for now. And being frightened to go on missions for the Order sometimes in front of all those people we don't know, not knowing what to expect when we get there, frightened of what people think of me and you and all that, but nothing compares to this Moony. Nothing at all to the fear of losing you!"  
  
Sirius pulled the now rather bedraggled tissue that the nurse had handed him earlier and dabbed at his wet eyes, trying to get a grip of himself. "I know we've only been together a year now, it should be our anniversary in just two days Remus you know, well I'm sure you do know, you're more romantic than me I reckon! A whole year. Pretty good yeah? It could have been even longer I guess if I hadn't been a pillock! Hopefully it'll be a long time yet. I can't ever see myself without you now."  
  
He squeezed Remus' hand and leaned down to kiss his cheek, unable to speak momentarily for the lump in his throat. "You're so beautiful darling, I know you get annoyed when I say you're beautiful because it isn't terribly manly as far as descriptions go but Remy you truly are beautiful, it's definitely the best way to describe you, well along with gorgeous, sexy, handsome, loving, kind...I could go on forever...well just in case I'm making your head big if you can hear me we'll add stubborn, a bit huffy from time to time, sarcastic, erm adorable...alright you're my idea of perfect. Oh and the fact that you give bloody good blow jobs helps as well!"  
  
"I was so silly Rem, I could see how you felt for me and I just continued to deny you. I would see you watching me, following me with those lovely amber eyes of yours. I'd see you turn away when I looked too closely, or blush if I caught you at it once too often. And how you would sometimes be really friendly and tactile towards me and other times a little bit stand offish as if I'd upset you, I probably had. It can't be nice when someone who you really like doesn't actually appear to give a toss! But I did care, I just didn't want to really admit it I think, I was too set in my ways to accept that I might be attracted to another man! How daft. I mean I don't think it's possible to have a happier relationship than ours. We get on so well and yes we fight now and then, who doesn't I mean I'm sure even the Minister of Magic and his cabinets' families fight! Actually let's not use them as a comparison to us, they're all divorced and unhappy! But even when we do fight it's silly little things isn't it? And it doesn't last long before one of us gives in and we kiss and make up. Even though I was terrified of the prospect of being gay I have to say I was very flattered that you found me attractive, after all you're a bloody good looking lad and you could have practically anyone you wanted, well could do, you'd better not try to have anyone else now, I might just be a little bit upset!"  
  
Sirius, who usually craved audience participation was finding this one sided conversation therapeutic, just him, alone, talking to the man he loved, about how he felt for him, revealing emotions that he wouldn't ever speak of to anyone else. With Remus it was different, he could tell him anything, and told him everything.  
  
"Hey Remus, you'd better wake up sharpish you know. I mean it's not like you to allow me to have more than 2 sentences in a row before you butt in, chatterbox!" Sirius smiled, he was quite happy to let Remus talk, and by Merlin he could blabber he thought with a smile, at one time Remus wouldn't have said boo to a Flobberworm! It was different when it was just the two of them, they were very equal, although once Remus started he was difficult to shut up. Sirius didn't mind. He could happily lie holding Remus for hours and listen to his voice. He'd give anything to be like that right now instead of having Remus lying so ill in front of him and it being him doing all the speaking, it just wasn't right, it felt wrong, it felt almost like punishment. Sirius wouldn't let it cross his mind though that this was punishment for their relationship, it couldn't possibly be wrong to be this in love with someone else.  
  
"I remember you telling me when you'd had a little, or should I say a lot, too much to drink that you'd never felt like this before. I thought you meant so pissed to start with and I laughed, you looked offended, the way your eyes dropped and you pouted, told me I'd got it wrong.  
  
"You shook your head and bit your lip then turned and looked straight into my eyes, I was amazed you could look straight seeing as five minutes earlier you'd had one eye up one eye down syndrome as Wormtail calls it, you always get that when you're drunk, it's quite cute actually. You looked straight in my eyes and I'll never forget exactly what you'd said even though I'd swallowed a few too many of the Olde Ogden's myself! You said 'Is it so hard for you to accept that I care about you? That I'm in love with you? Because it's hard for me to know I'll never have my feelings returned and I have to live everyday knowing that! I'm sorry if that's hard for you to accept, but it's even harder for me.' And you got up and walked, sorry wobbled, upstairs to your room at James' house."  
  
"I went to my own room and it has to have been one of the longest nights of my life. I sat on my bed propped up against the pillows with the light out, if anyone had seen me they'd probably think I was a nutcase! I had known for a while that you'd found me attractive, you had your eyes on my arse enough for even me to have figured that one out, I know I'm thought of as thoughtless, or mad even, regularly, much to your annoyance may I add, I can hear you now Rem 'Sirius you do think! You're just misunderstood by people who don't know you like I do!' It's like your mantra to me! I'd known you liked me, but I'd been able to ignore it, I didn't want to face up to the fact that I might feel the same way back, I'd always forced it out of my mind.  
  
"But it had gone too far by this point. You said you loved me and suddenly I had to face it, it wasn't just me in this but you too, and I knew that then. Until then I'd been able to deny that I might feel for you too, selfish as it was it had always seemed easier for me to live in my sheltered little world where I conformed to everything considered normal to decent wizarding families! I'd had enough of rebellion for a while after all of the issues with my parents. Now I had to admit to myself that I liked you looking at me, that since you'd started watching me and showing me that little bit more affection I'd never really found myself seeking out any women to be with. That I'd never wanted a relationship with other people. That's when it hit home. I couldn't pretend anymore that I was straight Sirius Black. I hadn't let myself in on it, but deep down somewhere inside I suppose I loved you too." Sirius lifted Remus' hand and kissed it softly.  
  
"I knocked on your door at about 5:30 in the morning. I don't know why I didn't just walk in, fear I suppose. I must have woken you up. It took you a while to open the door, and then when you did you nearly shut it in my face but I put my foot in the way. I don't really blame you, I'd upset you deeply, even though I hadn't meant to. I didn't exactly feel guilty, it wasn't like I'd set out to hurt you, but I still felt a bit bad because I obviously had, but I'd hurt myself too by living this silly lie of mine. You looked at me with your big amber eyes, they were all puffy and red, you'd cried yourself to sleep, because of me. It actually hurt knowing you'd been so sad you'd wept until you gave in to sleep. After all you're one of the strongest people I know, if not the strongest. All I wanted to do was make sure you never felt you had to cry like that again. I wanted to cuddle you but you wouldn't let me when I tried once the door was shut".  
  
"You said you didn't want my pity, just for me to respect the way you felt and show a little bit of understanding and not hate you for it. I had to really persuade you before you would back down, not that I blamed you for having your guard up, I'd brought that on myself, but it felt so good to hold you in my arms a short while later, telling each other about how we really felt, I'd never been so honest with anyone before, it didn't feel as hard as I'd have thought though, with you it somehow felt natural, it proved to me that I'd made the right choice."  
  
"From then on we got to know each other. It's funny really, we'd known each other for years, been really close as friends but there was so much more that we hadn't known, things which you keep just for your lover I guess. It was like learning all over again about you and it made me feel really privileged to know all this about you, I wanted to know everything and I told you everything as you did me. Then there was learning about each other's bodies. Feeling the escape that kissing you gave me, discovering what we both liked, where we enjoyed being touched most, I never knew somebody could have such a sensitive neck, it just makes you melt, and making you feel like that is the most amazing sensation in the world. When we finally made love for the first time it was like losing my virginity all over again but much better. It felt so special being that close with you. Then we told Peter and James, and your family, no point in telling mine, I couldn't be any more of a disgrace in their opinion even if I'd sucked Dumbeldore's cock on the front page of the Prophet." Sirius couldn't help but shudder, where on Earth had he plucked such a horrible thought from!  
  
"Everyone took it quite well really. I think your parents were disappointed to start with but even they can see how much we mean to each other, no parent could deny their child this happiness surely, even if they aren't 100% about it." Sirius jumped as the nurse said his name. He hoped to God she had only just come in and hadn't been their listening to what he had been saying, it had been incredibly personal and he wanted it kept private.  
  
"Your friends are downstairs, they can't all come up here at once and it would do you good to have a little break and get a drink. He'll be fine while you're away." Sirius nodded and got up after kissing Remus' forehead, but inside he was thinking 'how do you know he'll be fine?' However he knew there was little he could do and tore himself away reluctantly from Remus' side and made his way downstairs, after all his friends had come for him, the least he could do was go and see them  
  
TBC. 


	3. chapter3

Chapter 3 Thanks to everyone who has given feedback, it is very much appreciated, either via ff.net or to jebmuski1@aol.com. Cheers, Jasmine  
  
"I saw in a book once about it you know." James was saying to Peter as Lily sat quietly. "It can be really disabling even if you get better. You can loose limbs and have like major organ problems, I'm sure it was this anyhow, he's in a bad way...."  
  
Sirius glowered as he came in. "Since when were you the healer?!" He snapped viciously! "How would you know anything about it? He is fighting so hard and all you can do is talk negatively. You're my best friend James, couldn't you even try to be positive?"  
  
James looked dumbfounded. "Sirius, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were there."  
  
Sirius' eyes flashed. "Whether I was there or not you had no right to talk about Remus like that! You should be totally behind him to get better not talking about everything that he could get wrong with him, do you not think he's poorly enough already or something?!"  
  
James muttered his apologies, feeling really bad, it wasn't that he was wishing it upon Remus, it was just his way of expressing his worry, he hadn't meant to cause any harm.  
  
"Sorry isn't good enough right now James, you should just see him, he looks so ill and all he needs is for us to love and support him!" Sirius' anger was spiralling into a quiet, pained voice and James stepped forward and touched his arm soothingly but the longer haired man tried to shrug it off.  
  
"Do you realise just how helpless I feel, watching him wired up to all that new fangled charmed equipment? Sitting there knowing he probably can't hear a word I say, not knowing if he's in pain still or if he'll ever feel anything ever again. Do you honestly know how hard that is? Have you got any idea at all?" His voice was quivering and barely more than a whisper now as he let himself fall into James' arms sobbing.  
  
James swallowed hard against the lump in his throat trying not to let his own emotions get the better of him when Sirius needed his strength. Peter turned his gaze away from Lily, knowing they couldn't look at each other or they too would give way to their tears and now wasn't the time, they could cry for their friend later, he was more like a brother who they all loved, but for now they had to try, hard as it was, to hold it together for Sirius' sake.  
  
"I'd better get back up to Remus." Sirius said as soon as he'd dried his eyes on a fresh tissue, which Lily had produced. He felt better for having a good cry, it was the first time he'd been able to really let it out and it had definitely helped.  
  
"Do you want me to come and sit with you?" Peter asked him quietly. "Bit of moral support."  
  
Sirius thought for a moment and shook his head giving Peter an appreciative, if still weak, smile.  
  
"Well if you change your mind or want anything we're just down here, yeah?" James added, desperate to make up for being so insensitive earlier even though it had been unintentional. Like Sirius had said, they were best mates and he would stay here 24 hours a day for the next month if it would help!  
  
"Sirius, I know you don't want to think about this right now" Lily broached carefully on what she was saying, not wanting Sirius to blow up again as he had at James earlier. "But I need to know what we have to say to the Ministry, you know how they keep tabs on Remus' whereabouts, and it really is up to you because well...Moony can't speak for himself at the moment." She presented the question to Sirius as tactfully as he felt able. "Dumbledore thinks it best we don't give out too many details, just that Remus has been admitted to hospital with a bad infection, give away as little as possible. You know how they are at the moment, watching everyone so carefully because of Voldemort. Dumbledore also said for you to take as much time as you need."  
  
"Fine, Albus knows best." Sirius agreed. "You know what Lily? I never thought about the Ministry, I temporarily actually forgot we were wizards. I was just Sirius and Remus my boyfriend who took ill, right now he is all I can think about."  
  
Sirius slipped himself back into the chair at Remus' bedside and reached once again for his hand. "Hi gorgeous, have you missed me?" He attempted to sound as cheerful as possible. He'd told James that being positive was what Remus needed so he really should try that approach himself.  
  
"I've missed you, then again I always do. Albus' given us some time off until you're a bit better, we can't manage without you, at least I know I couldn't." He paused and took a deep breath realising the implications of what he'd just said and what it could actually mean. "Now I know we were all a bit tired and could have done with at least one day off but this was going a bit far to get us one Rem. Not long though and we'll be going away on a proper holiday. How good does that sound? I don't think I've looked forward to something that much ever! It'll be great to get away for a while just the two of us. We've never really managed more than a couple of days off really together have we, and then we've never been able to really go anywhere, well except to bed, so it's going to be our first proper holiday together. I hope it's as good as I'm expecting, well I know it will be. I could go to Bognor Regis with you and it would be fabulous!  
  
"But I have to say I think the idea of our own little part of Barbados sounds pretty fabulous, private villa and pool and even a private piece of beach, James really came up with the goods when him and Lily found that one last year for themselves didn't they? I actually have this feeling that seeing as it's so secluded where we're staying you will probably suggest having our own nudist beach or something. I can just imagine that being the kind of thing you'd come up with. Funny really, everyone sees me as the extrovert, but they don't know you like I do. And I'll be dressed as the Wizard on tour as you call me, even though I wear loads of muggle clothes may I add, and you'll be swanning about stark naked going 'Sirius, would you relax!' I can't say I have a problem with you and no clothes though. You'll come up with a reason like 'but it's so hot Padfoot, it makes me feel more liberated.' Or some bull like that. I'm telling you now, your arse with a nice tan, God I could be in the Arctic Circle and I reckon I'd be hot!"  
  
"Ahem." Remus' Dad cleared his throat. Sirius thought he might just die right then of embarrassment. It was pretty obvious that his lover's parents had heard at least the last bit of his little speech about their holiday. He managed to turn to look at them even though he was a nice shade of crimson. "Julius, Cassandra."  
  
Remus' mother was crying silently and her husband's face was very grave. "I don't know if he can hear or not, I'm just trying to talk to him as much as possible." He reached out his spare hand and stroked Remus' hair and then got up to let Cassandra have a seat, her legs seemed to be struggling to hold her.  
  
"We've spoken to the healer, he says we won't know anything for another 12hours or so about the drugs working. He reckons we're more likely to know if they aren't working." Julius told Sirius.  
  
"This can't happen, I can't believe it." Mrs Lupin was ringing her hands and looked almost afraid to touch her son for fear he would break when he looked so fragile. "All of his life, just one thing after another, does he get no peace? What did he ever do to deserve this apart from being an innocent but curious child?"  
  
"You need time to be with him. I need to go and get him some things. If anything at all changes with him will you please get word to me immediately and I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm not going far, but I think it's probably better if I leave him alone with you for a little bit."  
  
Cassandra nodded, still in a complete state of shock but Julius touched Sirius' arm, "Son don't feel you have to go because of us. We know you love him easily as much as us."  
  
"I know you do, but I do want to get some things for him and I know at least while you're here he's got people who love him around him and he won't be lonely if he can hear us. Just keep talking to him yeah?" Sirius went across and kissed Remus again on the head, unable to get at his lips for the tubes down his throat before kissing Cassandra and patting Julius' back. "Remember call me if there is anything!"  
  
"Look you know, there isn't much point in you lot all hanging around here all the time." Sirius said upon walking into a room of anxious faces. "James why don't you go home with Lily and the bump, St. Mungo's isn't the place for a pregnant woman, just spend some time together, situations like this make time like that so valuable. I'm ok here, well actually I need to pop out and get some stuff but you all needn't sit here."  
  
"His parents have arrived, I just don't know what to say to them, I kind of feel responsible because it was me there when all this kicked off. I know that's ridiculous because there's no way they're blaming me, I'm not even really blaming myself, nobody could have stopped this, Merlin I wish I could, but I still feel some kind of guilt towards them. Anyhow, I need to get him a few bits and pieces, Pete, will you come with me?"  
  
Peter nodded. "Course I will, anything at all."  
  
Sirius, out of the corner of his eye saw James' brow furrow ever so slightly, wondering if his friend was holding it against him for his slip up earlier. "It's nothing personal mate, he just disappears into crowds better than you, people magnet as it were!" Sirius whispered in his ear giving him a hug.  
  
"I might floo you at home later if that's ok, come and have a sit with me and Moony, he's a great conversationalist." He managed a little smile.  
  
"So why do you think it is that I seem to manage to become invisible to a much greater degree than the others?" Peter asked as they walked down a muggle street nearby, glad they were still dressed in muggle attire from the hotel earlier.  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Not entirely sure. I'd say you disappear because you're short, but then again so is James and he seems to get noticed fairly quickly, it's that hair I reckon, just shagged hair Potter. Remus' just the most gorgeous man on the planet so he stands out naturally." Sirius smiled proudly. "Not that I'm boasting about how sexy he is or anything.  
  
"Anyway Wormtail, how's your love life doing, haven't heard you up to much of late."  
  
Peter sighed. "What can I say? Not doing too fabulously. Thing is, I could probably shag quite a few girls if I wanted to but I can't actually be doing with the hassle, these days I'd sooner have a wank!"  
  
Sirius nodded. "Sounds like you're at the 'I want to find someone to have a relationship' stage. Am I right?"  
  
After considering for a moment the blonde boy nodded. "I guess so but I don't think you'll find it if you go looking. I mean you certainly didn't look for Remus and I'd kill for what you've got, well not literally, you know what I mean, I don't want Moony, I want the same sort of thing as what you have in him, just a female equivalent. I believe in fate, when the time is right it'll find me. Until then I'll just see what comes along." He said as they walked into a florists.  
  
"Didn't realise Remus was that into his flowers." Peter said, raising his pale eyebrows.  
  
"Oh he's a closet flower lover all right. I mean we all like them I guess, but he quite likes being given them. It was Valentines Day and I made dinner for us both, Lily taught me how to do it magically so I wouldn't burn it, and we'd bought other presents but I just bought a big bunch of flowers and shoved them on the table and he totally loved them. Came out with something about vibrant symbols of delicate life. Typically Remus, you know what he's like when he describes things in his own little way, blabbers on trying to justify himself and realises he can't so just pouts until you nod. Merlin I love him, please let him be ok." Sirius bit his lip.  
  
"Hey." Peter reached over and squeezed his hand. "You've been so positive for him, you're being really brave. He's tough Paddy, you've said it yourself. You're going to get through this, both of you. Now go and give him his symbols of delicate life and give him my love."  
  
They hugged as Sirius turned to go through what looked like a disused shop window. Peter wished there was more he could have done, but in situations like this what could you do but hope and wait. TBC 


	4. chapter 4

"How's he getting on?" Sirius walked into the room, placing the card he'd written out on Remus' bedside table along with the flowers.  
  
"He's just the same." Cassandra said, getting up from where she'd been stroking Remus' head. "The flowers are nice."  
  
"Yeah, they're all the ones he likes best."  
  
"I see." Mrs Lupin replied, not having a clue about what flowers Remus preferred, realising that Sirius knew much more about her son than she did, realising she had to let him go a lot more than she would like to, it would have been much easier if she'd let him go to a woman, it seemed strange he shared all these things with another man.  
  
Sirius took the seat offered, lifting Remus' hand to his face and kissing it. He felt slightly awkward. Remus' mother had always seemed a little stand -offish with him and he didn't like feeling he had to speak with her particularly in a situation like this. Sirius knew Cassandra accepted him for Remus' sake but it was always apparent when Remus wasn't there that he wasn't what she'd have chosen and it did upset Sirius a little bit because his own family hadn't accepted him at all just for being himself and here was somebody else not wanting him.  
  
"Can I read the card?" Julius asked, lifting it up.  
  
"Mm hmm" Sirius answered not really sure he wanted it read but feeling he could hardly turn around and refuse!  
  
"Hey poorly pants." He started to read out loud. "You're scaring me quite a bit Moony, I'm missing your little ways, the way you laugh at practically everything, you even find me funny, how you play with your teeth with your tongue, all the little things that only I know." He stopped, feeling perhaps he shouldn't have started this, it was quite personal and Mr Lupin felt as if he was infringing on Sirius a little bit.  
  
"Keep going." Cassandra prompted, having been intently listening.  
  
"It's ok, I said you could read it." Sirius said, knowing Julius would have seen it all by now anyhow. "Hope you wake up soon sweetie so it can all be back to how it should be, with you lying in my arms. Get well soon snugglebum, love you loads darling, Padfoot xxx"  
  
He replaced the card. Nobody spoke, Sirius battling his tears, he was finding this harder and harder to deal with, he needed someone with him who would help him, he was starting to fall to pieces and instead he had Remus' parents who he felt he had to stay together for and he couldn't pour his heart out to them because they weren't close enough.  
  
Sirius was surprised to feel Remus' mother's hands on his shoulders. "Oh love, I've been unfair on you." Her voice was wobbly but determined. "I don't think I realised how much you loved him. He's totally infatuated with you. I was selfish and thought about what I'd have wanted but I can see how much you care. I know that Remus was always really happy with you and it was enough for me to accept the way things were, but I wasn't totally happy but you've made me realise, I'm sorry Sirius." She blinked back tears. "I feel bad that it's taken a situation like this for me to realise."  
  
Sirius could tell she genuinely meant it, and he knew she hadn't had to say this.  
  
"You're all we could really have wished for him. You love him for who and what he is and that's what matters the most, particularly now, that we're all here for him."  
  
Sirius stood up and turned to face her, glassy eyed. "It's ok, I thought you didn't really like me that much, but I appreciate what you've said, it means a lot because I know how special you are to Remus, and I plan to be part of his life forever if I can so I'd like it if we could be friends."  
  
She pulled him into her arms. "We can, you're part of the family."  
  
"I just want Remus to be....to....to be....alright!" Sirius lost his battle and burst into tears.  
  
"Shhh, he's not getting worse."  
  
"But he's not getting any better either!" He wailed.  
  
"I know son, I know, but it's early days yet, we've just got to hope and pray. Julius, go and get some cups of tea." She waved him out of the room, holding Sirius close to her; he never remembered being held in that way by his own mother. Suddenly it seemed to Sirius that there was nobody better in this position to cry to, Cassandra was close enough, in fact nobody else was closer, she adored Remus as much as he did, she understood, and to his gratitude she finally understood their relationship.  
  
Julius had managed two more seats and hot sugary tea so they all sat around Remus' bed, Sirius resting one arm on the bed, entwining his fingers with Remus'.  
  
"When he was little if he ever took ill, or after transformations he used to always curl up in the living room with his quilt and pillows, his bed on the sofa, and if I dared not to sit with him he'd moan. He wasn't really one of these children that would pretend to be unwell, he didn't ever want to miss time outside! But if he was ill he was such a Mummy's boy, wanting loads of cuddles." She smiled, reminiscing fondly.  
  
"He's no different now, he never really lays it on thick but he does like you to look after him, oh and he still brings the quilt into the living room, and makes my knee into his pillow." Sirius smiled down lovingly.  
  
"He's a great soft one, always was." Julius laughed. "Quite a sensitive lad without being wet. I'm proud for him to be my son."  
  
Sirius nodded, "I'll agree with you that he's a good bloke, he'd give you anything he could, he's a great laugh and he's pretty handsome as well." Sirius blushed a little bit.  
  
"He really fancies you too." Cassandra couldn't actually believe she was saying these things but strangely it now felt like the perfect thing to be saying, the atmosphere seemed so much easier suddenly.  
  
"Do you want to see some photos?" Sirius volunteered, finding that despite the gloom of Remus' unconsciousness he was quite enjoying this new kind of interaction with his in-laws. He reached for his wallet and pulled out a few ragged edged pictures he kept in there. "This one was at Peter's birthday earlier this year, Remy was a little tipsy shall we say."  
  
"Good gracious!" His mother laughed. "He always was such a quiet one, you bring out the wildness in him!"  
  
"It was very funny!" Sirius smiled and ran a finger down the side of Remus' face. "He was enjoying himself that's for sure." He took back the photograph. "I'm not entirely sure why he ended up in nothing but his boxer shorts and with a feather bower around his neck dancing on the table but he did! This is one of my favourites, James took it in one of the ministry cars on a work trip." He passed across the picture of Remus and himself sat asleep as they travelled, head's lolling against each other, Remus' hand across Sirius' stomach.  
  
"You know we could do with a few photographs of the two of you together, not with the others, just the two of you, we've not got any up."  
  
Sirius nodded. "We'll get you some." He resisted the temptation to say that it was because they had been embarrassed about their sexuality so hadn't put photos of them as a couple up because of that. It didn't matter now, at least it had been sorted out.  
  
And so Sirius sat talking about everything he could think of, for the rest of that day, all through the night and then all through the next day, sometimes with Cassandra and Julius, sometimes with the other boys, sometimes alone. He was managing to cry less now, accepting the situation more as time passed, knowing that at least Remus had got through the first 24 hours and that had to mean something was going right. The healers had expressed a concern earlier in the day that the poisoning could cause organ damage and they were monitoring him very carefully now as the longer the illness had hold the more harm could come of it.  
  
Sirius had reluctantly been dragged from Remus' bedside, by Lily that evening, after he stood up and nearly fainted from exhaustion. He had to admit he felt better for a good meal and a hot shower but lying in bed on his own felt strange. It felt cold and it felt lonely not having Remus to curl up against. He'd been given Lily and James' guest bedroom, them not wanting him to have to go back to the cottage himself and Remus shared alone. He sighed and went to put one of Remus' T-shirts on, James having brought their cases from the hotel back to his house. He needed to smell him close or he was never going to sleep, no matter how shattered he was. He thought of the present he had for Remus, their anniversary being the next day, wishing he could be awake to receive it, knowing though that it was unlikely that even if he did wake up he'd be very aware. If only he was here now and this was all a vicious nightmare he was about to wake up from.  
  
Sirius did wake up, but it wasn't from a nightmare, it was back into one as a voice called to him from the fireplace. "Mr Black, I'm afraid there have been some complications with Remus, could you please get to the hospital as quickly as possible." Rang in his ears as he hurriedly dragged on a pair of tracksuit bottoms which he had a feeling also belonged to Remus to go with the too small T-shirt he was already wearing.  
  
"For fucks sake!" He spat in frustration as he attempted to put his shoes on the wrong feet before hurtling out the door and hammering on the door across the corridor. "Open the door! Please!" He hammered harder.  
  
"What?" James stuck his head round the door and Sirius barged in, not caring that James was stark naked and Lily was fast asleep in bed. "Remus' getting worse, will you get ready and come with me to the hospital?" TBC 


	5. chapter 5

James nodded and quickly threw some clothes on and splashed some cold water onto his face. "Lily darling, I'm just going to the hospital with Sirius to see Remus, you just stay here and rest, you need it what with the baby." He gently caressed her auburn tresses before planting a kiss on her forehead, ever so grateful it wasn't him standing in Sirius' shoes right now.  
  
"What have they said?" James asked as soon as they had apparated to the hospital.  
  
"Don't know, said there was complications and could I get here quick. I'm terrified. We've been together a year today, what if it's all we've been given, just a year? They say you're better to have loved and lost then never to have loved. Well that's a load of crap, I'd sooner that I'd never found this then have it snatched from me, it's horrible, I just want him to get better."  
  
"Just come through here and we'll discuss what has happened...." Sirius cut off the healer mid-flow.  
  
"Can't you tell me this in with Remus? I want to be with him...I should never have gone home this is all my fault. Shit! Why didn't I go home with him earlier, maybe we could have stopped this. What kind of boyfriend am I? Terrible, that's what!"  
  
He stopped as he felt James' hand grip his shoulder. "Sirius, let the healer speak mate yeah?" He smiled comfortingly.  
  
"The nurses are just cleaning Remus up a little bit then you can go into him again. Just take a seat and I'll explain what's going on." He showed the two worried men into a side room and waited until they were seated before perching on the edge of a chair himself.  
  
"Why are they cleaning him up? What's happened to him....I take it he hasn't woken up....Is this bad....?" Sirius realised he was about to start twittering again so stopped and looked imploringly into the healers grey eyes. "Remus has suffered from quite a large fit Mr. Black. It caused him to have rather a severe nosebleed and a good deal of frothing at the mouth." Sirius' hand flew up to his mouth, his poor darling. "This isn't unusual with a condition like Remus', it occurs due to the trauma all of his organs are under and a confusion of signals within the body due to the state of consciousness that he is in. As he has low blood pressure anyhow and he has just lost quite a lot of fluids we've stepped up his drip to try to re- hydrate him and fortunately his organs still seem to be holding up which is a good sign. Our main concern is that a seizure as strong as that can cause some degree of impairment. At the moment it would be impossible to say and only if he wakes up will we be able to tell if there is any damage done. For now he is still critical but we have stabilised him."  
  
"You mean when he wakes up!" Sirius spat, a little more coldly than he meant. "Remus wouldn't give up on me if it were the other way round and I'll be damned before I give up on him."  
  
The healer nodded understandingly. "I'll take you through to him."  
  
Sirius bit his lip sadly, trying to stop the trembling as he walked into the room. He noted the drip moving quicker but otherwise Remus looked much the same, paler perhaps, but that would be difficult seeing as he was virtually transparent in the first place.  
  
"James...I feel awful but...."  
  
James nodded, knowing immediately what Sirius meant. "It's ok, I'll leave you alone with him, and don't feel guilty for dragging me here in the middle of the night, I'd much sooner you do that than go alone scared, alright." He squeezed Sirius' arm and disappeared.  
  
Sirius pulled the chair back to Remus' bedside, it must have been moved when he had his funny turn he thought. "You're doing a good job of terrifying me you bugger!" Sirius said shakily entwining his fingers with Remus'. "We're going to get through this Moony... I know you're not getting better really, but you're still fighting right? That's got to mean something... and you seem to get worse when I'm not there...that's it....make me feel even worse! I promise I am here now until you wake up, even if it means peeing in a bedpan and not getting washed for a month, I'll sleep here holding your hand, talk when I'm awake, anything but I'm not leaving your side, not after what's gone on tonight."  
  
"Remember at Christmas, we weren't together, it was terrible. Well it was my own fault. When you asked whose family we were going to and I said I was going to James' parents and thought you'd have been going to yours, wrong answer Sirius or what?! 'Nice of you to consider me then wasn't it? Kind of you to ask for my thoughts on it? Great of you to include me in your plans!' You sounded really pissed off, I have a feeling that probably was because you were really pissed off. It wasn't that I had purposefully left you out, you were more than welcome to come with me, I guess I will admit I didn't relish the thought of Christmas at your house and I kind of knew that you would want to go there and I just was putting off the issue as long as possible, I was just going to let you decide, but apparently I should already have done it. From now on we go on alternate years to different people right? Because James' parents have really treat me like their own.  
  
"But anyhow I'd sparked you off and you were being really grumpy and basically picking on me about the whole affair, if I'm allowed to say so you were being an unreasonable git, you didn't really give me a chance to discuss it, just went for the jugular that I was selfish and didn't care. Well I just saw red didn't I, and snapped at you 'For Merlin's sake Remus we aren't a married couple you know!' It just slipped out....I hadn't even meant it, it was more a figure of speech than anything else but when I saw the hurt flash through your eyes I felt rotten! I had really hurt you, I know that getting married isn't for us, but let's face it, we're better together than most people that are married so we're as good as married in my opinion, better than married, totally besotted with each other. But the way I was talking that day it probably didn't look too good did it?"  
  
"We made it up pretty quickly, we both apologised for what we'd said, I think we both knew neither of us had meant it. But pride still got in the way didn't it. We both did go our separate ways Christmas Eve. I cried when I went to bed that night; I couldn't sleep. It was horrible, it was Christmas and you're meant to be with people special to you. Now I love James' family dearly, I'm so very close to them, but suddenly I didn't need to be with them, all I wanted was to be with you. So Christmas morning came and I didn't enjoy opening my presents at all, trying to smile at each one I tore open, they weren't bad presents either. I just wished you'd been there to share them with me. I think I made it until about 11am when I just had to tell Prongs I wouldn't be having dinner with them that day because I couldn't bear being away from you. It was worth a disappointed look on my his Mum's face to see the delight on yours when I appeared. Even your Mum said I'd put a smile on your face, it wasn't like her to admit that I could do that back then to me, but that's all in the past, we're all family now, proper family, who all love and care about each other I think.  
  
"We vowed that night that we wouldn't spend another night apart, we needed each other too much. Obsessive perhaps, but I think it's quite nice to love someone that much...see the proper married couple get sick of the sight of each other and are glad for their fair share of the quilt now and again, so I was right we're not like a normal married couple. We're a million times better, and you can have my share of the quilt whenever you want it....if you want me to sleep in the spare room that is." Sirius laughed slightly, thinking that if Remus were awake he'd be laughing at how cheesy he sounded, but he'd be glowing inside at the words, it would make him feel special.  
  
"Oh Merlin, do you realise how special you are? The sun's coming up now, I know we're in a scabby hospital, well actually it's not bad for a hospital, having seen what some of those muggle ones look like, but I wish you could wake up so we could watch it together, I know you're a great one for a bit of romance. Sadly this isn't one of them soppy romance novels that Lily reads where the girl will wake up at just the right moment and all will be fabulous! Not that I want any girl, just you, always and only you.  
  
"We've had some good times haven't we? We'll have a lot more too if I have my way. If you dare to die on me! You won't though, I know you won't" Sirius said quietly, running his fingers through Remus' hair. "I don't know how I know, I just do, but we're going to be ok. It's going to be alright in the end, it's just to test us, to make me realise how much I love you, as if I didn't realise how precious you were already. And you really are precious so you'd better wake up so I can show you just how goddamn precious you are!" "I called you that on that balcony that night in Japan when we were sent out there by Dumbledore, can you remember that sleepyhead? I do, I think it was probably the best night of my life, every night with you is fabulous, just like every day, but that was extra special for some reason. I'd popped through to see Peter when you were in the bath. He'd had a fight with James, in trouble for hero worship I think, and had been a bit upset about it I think. Now, they're like a married couple if ever there was one, the way they bicker on sometimes, can you imagine the horror in their faces if I told them something like that?!" He sniggered slightly imagining Peter's embarrassment and James' indignance.  
  
"When I came back the balcony door was open and you were looking over it with a little silk gown on. It blended in to the late night sky and the moon flashed over it. You turned and smiled at me and you looked so attractive that my breath caught in my throat. I hadn't even realised that I had taken everything off down to my boxers before I felt the humid air on my skin as I stepped out behind you and encircled you in my arms. As I kissed your neck and felt you lean back into me, moaning softly, you tilted your head to one side and the half moon reflected gold and silver light through your dark blond hair. That's when I called you precious, more precious than any metal or object. Funny how the moon does you so much harm but makes you look oh so very beautiful." Sirius sighed at the memory.  
  
"It was such a beautiful night, the sky was such a deep blue and the moon and stars so bright, it was very romantic. Before long I'd slipped my hands up the back of the tiny gown you had on, you were naked underneath, I knew you would be long before feeling the smooth curve of your arse. I could talk about the dimensions of your arse and everything else about it for hours, but seeing as it is yours I don't think you need me to tell you anything about it, you know your own arse after all."  
  
Sirius cleared his throat and shook his head at the way he was talking, he'd never talked like this is in his whole life, there was something very liberating and refreshing about it. "I slid my hands up across your back and pushed it from your shoulders and it fell to puddle around your feet. As I reached my arms around you and gently stroked at your chest I felt your hand rubbing my hip, pushing my boxers down. It didn't matter that we were both totally naked on the balcony of a large and posh muggle hotel, anybody could have seen us but it didn't even cross my mind. The only people who existed at that moment for me was the two of us, cocooned in our own little world. I certainly wasn't ashamed or embarrassed. I'd never be ashamed of what I feel for you. Merlin Remy, if someone had told me just over a year ago that I'd be having sex with my old school room mate, outside in Japan, on a muggle hotel balcony I'd have thought they needed to see a psychiatrist, but nothing felt more natural than to make love there."  
  
"And so we did make love, me pressed up behind you looking out at the midnight sky over that balcony. We moved so slowly together as I stroked your pliable skin, the moonlight glimmering off your tanned flesh. You whimpered and then cried out as I brought you to orgasm and followed you myself straight away. It felt so intimate the way it had all happened; there was something ethereal about it. I like that word ethereal, delicate and unworldly, it describes you very well, so beautiful." He sucked the tips of Remus' fingers softly, comforting himself with the familiarity of their taste.  
  
"Afterwards I collapsed back into one of the chairs and you clambered into my lap and rested your head onto my shoulder, out of breath. I remember you saying to me 'It's a good job nobody was walking underneath when I came, it's never been that intense before, they'd have got a shower they certainly hadn't bargained for.' It was amusing but at the same time I couldn't help smiling at the fact it had been so wonderful for you, just like it had been for me. It's like one of those moments you want to frame and keep it in a box to relive again and again, like magic, it was magical." He couldn't help but smile slightly, of course it was magic, after all they both were magic!  
  
"We sat like that for a good time after that, just talking to each other. You'd brought a bottle of wine out for us to share before I'd come back and we sipped it together, you still in my lap as we whispered softly to each other, nuzzling and kissing gently all the time too. I don't know how long we sat like that but you had fallen asleep and I just sat with you there, running my fingers through your soft golden hair. You looked so adorable it made my heart hurt almost at how amazing you were, and it didn't matter that my legs were aching from supporting your weight for so long, nothing mattered but the fact you were cradled in my arms, so peaceful and relaxed that you were sleeping there like a baby. It was only when you shivered slightly as the breeze became cooler against your bare skin that I picked you up and laid you in bed. You didn't wake up; just instinctively found your way back into my arms as I flicked out the light and joined you under the covers. As I drifted into a deep sleep I couldn't help but think that Merlin was smiling down on me when he sent me you, you really are one in a million Rem." Sirius leant down and placed a lingering kiss on his lover's nose and tightened his grip on his fingers, overwhelmed by his love.  
  
"Remus?! Remus? Can you hear me?" Sirius almost yelled at him leaping up excitedly from his seat. "Squeeze my fingers again. Open your eyes!" But there was nothing. He knew he hadn't just imagined it, he had felt Remus grip his hand back. "Nurse! I think he might be improving. He squeezed my hand back." The pristine lady walked into the young werewolf's room and checked him over. Like Sirius she tried to get a response from Remus but couldn't manage. TBC 


	6. chapter 6

"I think you could be right. I'll get the healer, I think he may be able to breathe alone and although he isn't responding to me the fact his breathing is improving is a very good sign."  
  
Before long the healer was in the room, casting a variety of revealing spells on Remus' motionless body. Sirius couldn't stand still, he felt like he had developed a sudden nervous twitch.  
  
"I've removed him from the breathing apparatus Mr. Black. He isn't out of the woods yet but it is a big step forward. We'll not know until he wakes up."  
  
"So you think he actually will regain consciousness?" Sirius held his breath waiting for the answer, finally things seemed to be picking up.  
  
"There is a stronger possibility now than earlier yes. However there is still the risk that he could deteriorate once more or that when he wakes up he could be impaired. I'm sorry but I feel it best to be honest with you. Let's keep our fingers crossed for him. He really is a fighter."  
  
Sirius nodded. Not the answer he'd wanted exactly but definitely better than what had been suggested previously. He could tell from the tone of the healer's voice and the look on his face that he was surprised that Remus was still alive, after all silver poisoning was deadly.  
  
"C'mon Rem, prove them wrong baby, show them just what a fighter you are!"  
  
"Talking of fighting, remember that afternoon we had a massive bust up? It was all James' fault, well everything is right? Oh so it isn't. Well most things are! We were having that afternoon in at your place, that I'd made my place as well by then, listening on the radio to the quidditch, few cans and all of that. We'd just had the living room done up and Prongs lit up a cigarette and knocked the ashtray on the floor so you were out with your wand and then you were knocking Wormtail's feet off the coffee table. Just being generally house-proud. Not that you seem to mind when we're messing up the bedroom! James guffawed, you know how he does, then says "Merlin Moony, I think you're Mona! He's a fucking chick with a dick!" Well I laughed didn't I? It was just the way he said it, and ok I admit it was rather funny because you were only about a step short of your marigolds and an apron! You, being the huffy sod I know and love, turned on me, face like thunder, 'Well it's better than being someone who doesn't give a fuck about where they live. If you don't give a shit and just think I'm some fucking woman you can pack your bags and go back to your own shithole!'  
  
"Funny really how quickly everyone suddenly remembered things they had to do. Pete was the best one. He'd promised to buy some baby food for his sister, who just happens to not even have one! You stomped round the house cleaning up after everyone and cursing under your breath and occasionally giving me some extremely dirty looks as I sat watching you, failing to hide my amusement. Eventually you lost it. After flinging a tea towel at me as hard as you could and still missing, which I have to say irritated you more and amused me even further, you flung yourself onto the seat opposite mine and began screaming. And I mean screaming! "Are you only with me because I'm blatantly like a woman but just have a bit more understanding than one of them about the need to be crude and talk about quidditch 24 hours a day? If you're not gay leave me. Go on get out! If I disgust you so much and I'm just some object of ridicule! If you're homophobic and think I'm some kind of little girl!" Now I hadn't expected that. I gave you a minute to pacify yourself knowing that outburst was the end of it and that you would now sit and sulk or cry, most likely both." He smiled lovingly at Remus and lowered his lips to his forehead once again, he would never tire of kissing his soft pale skin.  
  
"You jumped as I touched your arm, not having seen me move because your eyes were downcast. I wasn't surprised when you looked up that they were full of tears. 'Is that honestly what you think I think of you?' I asked you. You shrugged your shoulders and blinked against the tears that were threatening but some escaped. I wiped them away with my hand and pulled you into my arms. 'You're caring, loving and gorgeous and that is why I'm with you. And yes it helps I can fart in bed and not get dirty looks for it but that's hardly reason enough to want to spend my life with someone. I want to spend it with you because you're you, cleaning or not cleaning!' I only laughed because the way Prongs said it was hilarious. I didn't mean to upset you! You soft lump! You hugged me and apologized. 'It's alright' I said, then with a dead straight face I added, "I understand how you girls get PMT and behave irrationally.' You slapped me, but it was only playful and you were laughing this time. You've got a great laugh, it's a proper one, not a stupid giggle or a total cackle just in between and hearty, I like it. Merlin I like everything, even if you are a chick with a dick! Just kidding, anyway for the record you've got a really nice dick!"  
  
There it was again, Remus clenching his fingers around Sirius' hand. "Come on darling, try to open your eyes, really try, I'm here alright?" Sirius' heart almost stopped beating as Remus' eyelashes started fluttering. He pressed the bell for the nurse and before long the healer was there as well.  
  
"He's waking up yes, we'll just let him take his time. He's going to be feeling confused and groggy when he wakes up and will probably still need lots of rest. Just talk to him Sirius, alright? Let him know he's alright."  
  
So when Remus finally managed to open his eyes and focus Sirius had to try desperately hard not to cry but couldn't stop himself. "Oh Merlin Moony! I'm so pleased you've woken up." Oh shit! He thought as he saw Remus ready to cry, I'm upsetting him! "Hey, shh! You're alright. Well getting there anyhow. I've been so worried about you! He clasped Remus' hand tighter, rubbing little circles with his thumb on the flesh.  
  
"What happened?" Remus croaked, throat very sore from the tubes he'd had down until a few hours earlier. And so Sirius explained everything to him. Remus remembered getting into bed at the hotel and nothing else beyond that. Maybe it's for the best Sirius couldn't help but think.  
  
Remus drifted back to sleep before long and Sirius pecked his lips before going to floo everyone else. He was sure they'd be awake by now and delighted to hear the news.  
  
Hurrying back to Remus he was surprised to find him awake again. "Been asleep too long anyhow." He muttered at Sirius' surprised glance. "Knew you'd moved, wanted to know where you were."  
  
"Sorry, just letting everyone know you were awake again. They've all been in to see you, and your parents."  
  
Remus nodded slowly. "I know. I knew people were here but I just couldn't wake up! What day is it?"  
  
"Oh Merlin." Sirius said, realisation hitting him.  
  
"What?" Remus asked confused.  
  
"Happy anniversary sweetheart." He leaned down and placed a soft but long kiss on Remus' lips. They were dry and chapped but he still felt wonderful. "Not the ideal way to spend it, but we'll be together, at least you're awake and ok now."  
  
Remus smiled slightly. "I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm ok, I feel like I've been ran over by a high speed train! But from the sound of it I'm a lot better than what I was!"  
  
Siriussmiled. "You know what I mean!" Sounding like a child with a new toy, totally flippant, just delighted that things were almost how they should be once again.  
  
"I've got you something which I wanted to give you tonight."  
  
"I'm not up to shagging love!" Sirius pouted, then quickly straightened his face realising he was at risk of turning into Remus, this being one of his favourite expressions.  
  
"Still funny then I see! No I wanted to do this over dinner but since you're going nowhere for a while and I think you could do with something nice I'd like you to have this now. So close your eyes and hold out your hands."  
  
Remus did as he was bidden and held his hands together as best he could. The raven haired boy took the box from his pocket and slipped the gold band onto Remus' finger. Remus gasped a little and his eyes shot open.  
  
"If I'd known you'd open you eyes that quickly if I did that then I'd have done it two days ago!" Sirius laughed and leant down for a loving kiss, gently easing his tongue into Remus' mouth and caressing him with it.  
  
"It's beautiful Siri, thank you." Remus was chewing his lip trying not to cry. "Sorry, I'm so emotional!"  
  
Sirius stroked his arm. "That's alright, you've been through a lot poppet. So you like it I take it?"  
  
Remus nodded. "Nearly as much as I like you actually."  
  
"Well I got it so that if ever we're not together and you're feeling lonely then I'm still with you really."  
  
"You always were anyhow, but this is pretty special and I particularly like the finger it's on, show people that you're mine forever."  
  
"You'll definitely be mine forever if I have my way. Even when you're practically dying in a hospital bed you look gorgeous you know!"  
  
"So then." Remus said, having had a drink of water and feeling more able to speak again. "How many blow jobs do I need to give you for not having an anniversary present yet because I was planning to go looking in Hogsmeade when I took poorly?"  
  
"Ooh hundreds!" Sirius laughed. "The best thing you can do for me sweetheart is to concentrate on getting better, just take your time, and make sure you're alright before you do anything too much, I'm going to look after you ok?"  
  
Remus nodded and smiled "Some of the things you said when you were here, well I heard them. I knew you loved me, but Padfoot, I didn't realise just how much I meant to you I guess, so thank you, I'm really lucky to have you. And yeah it was learning to know you all over again, and you know what? It was absolutely wonderful because I really love you, you know that."  
  
"I know, even if you do insist on lowering the tone when I give you a ring by talking about oral sex!"  
  
Remus let his jaw fall in mock horror. "Like you can talk you dirty git! You've been talking about my cock and all kinds! I could hear some of what you were saying you know. Do you realise how frustrating it is when your boyfriend is talking about the most romantic time we made love and not being able to relieve yourself because you're in an unconscious mess? I was asleep and ill but there was kind of this warm feeling inside, I knew when you were there, and when you weren't. When you were there I came closer to waking up sometimes, it was harder to fight without my hand in yours you know." Remus' voice wobbled. "I was scared Siri, I thought I would lose you."  
  
"Never babe. Now don't exhaust yourself, you need plenty of sleep. I can't believe I'm persuading you to sleep after days of just wanting you to wake up!"  
  
Remus nodded, his eyes heavy wanting to close and give in to rest again. "Just promise me one, no two things; don't leave me now, because I hate hospitals and I know I'm a big soft wimp but I'm scared without you here. And two, you will be talking more openly about sex with me from now on because I really like it! You need to be more open about your body, oh and you will be skinny dipping when we're on holiday, I heard that bit as well! Oh and do NOT call me a chick with a dick one more time!" A small smirk played on Remus' lips as he closed his eyes.  
  
"Ok I'll do all of that, I found it quite nice talking about you know sex and stuff, I always thought the actions spoke louder than the words, but if you say them out loud, well it's liberating isn't it, special somehow when it's so intimate. Sleep well love. My little snugglebum." He leaned down and kissed Remus softly again.  
  
One of the amber eyes opened. "I heard that!"  
  
"Ah don't pretend you don't love being called that!"  
  
"Yeah I do, but don't tell anyone!"  
  
"You're a silly git but Merlin I love you Rem!"  
  
"Love you too Sirius...." THE END Ah how fluffy was that! 


End file.
